Many people think self-esteem is just about feeling confident—being able to speak up in meetings, feeling comfortable in social settings, or believing in your abilities.
But self-esteem goes deeper than that. It’s not just about how you feel—it’s about how much you trust yourself.
Self-esteem is the belief that you are capable of handling life’s challenges and that you are inherently worthy of happiness.
It’s not something you’re born with or magically develop overnight—it’s something you build through action.
So, how do you actually strengthen your self-esteem?
Psychologist Nathaniel Branden outlines six key practices that help develop lasting self-esteem.
If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt or felt like you’re not good enough, these principles can help shift your mindset and rebuild your confidence from the inside out.
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
According to Branden, self-esteem isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you practice.
He identifies six key pillars that help strengthen self-esteem over time.
Let’s break them down.
1. The Practice of Living Consciously
This means being fully present and aware of your actions, thoughts, and choices.
Low self-esteem often thrives in avoidance—avoiding difficult emotions, avoiding responsibility, avoiding the truth about how we feel.
Living consciously means being honest with yourself.
It means noticing when your inner critic is running the show and choosing to challenge those thoughts.
Try this:
Next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll probably fail,” stop and ask:
⭓ Is this thought based on facts or just fear?
⭓ Would I say this to a friend?
⭓What’s a more constructive way to look at this?
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
Self-esteem doesn’t come from becoming perfect—it comes from accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all.
This doesn’t mean settling or never improving. It means recognizing that you are already worthy, even as you grow.
For me, this means accepting that I struggle to speak up in groups without shaming myself for it. Instead of saying, “Ugh, why am I like this?” I could start saying, “I notice that I feel nervous about speaking up. That’s okay. I’m working on it.”
The difference? Compassion.
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
Nobody else can build our self-esteem for us. We have to take ownership of it.
Self-responsibility means:
⭓ Owning your choices instead of blaming circumstances.
⭓ Acknowledging your role in your happiness and confidence.
⭓ Taking action to improve instead of waiting for someone to save you.
This one hit hard for me.
I used to wish I just naturally had more confidence.
But waiting for confidence to magically appear wasn’t working—I had to take small steps, like speaking up in low-stakes conversations and proving to myself that my voice mattered.
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
This means standing up for yourself—not just with others, but with yourself.
If your inner critic constantly puts you down, you have to advocate for yourself in your own mind.
If you tend to suppress your thoughts and opinions to avoid judgment, self-assertiveness means giving yourself permission to be seen and heard.
For me, this means starting small—sharing an opinion in a group, even if my voice shook.
And when the fear of judgment crept in, reminding myself, “I have just as much right to speak as anyone else.”
Try this:
⭓ Say what you really think in a conversation, even if it feels uncomfortable.
⭓ Express your preferences instead of defaulting to what others want.
⭓ Stand by your values, even when it’s easier to stay silent.
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
Self-esteem grows when we pursue what matters to us.
If we’re just drifting through life, waiting for confidence to magically appear, we’re not reinforcing a sense of self-worth.
But when we set goals—big or small—and take action, we start trusting ourselves more.
Even something as small as committing to a morning routine and following through can boost self-esteem.
Try this:
⭓ Set a small, achievable goal this week—whether it’s reading for 10 minutes a day, working out twice, or writing down your thoughts in a journal.
⭓ Notice how accomplishing it makes you feel.
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity
This means aligning your actions with your values.
When we betray ourselves—by saying yes when we mean no, by staying silent when we want to speak, by not standing up for what we believe in—our self-esteem takes a hit.
Building self-esteem means becoming someone you can trust.
For me, this means recognizing when I am holding back my thoughts out of fear and deciding: No, I want to be someone who speaks up. Even if it’s scary.
Every time I honor that commitment, I felt stronger.
Wrapping up...
I used to believe that self-esteem was something some people just had—and that I wasn’t one of those people.
But that’s not true.
Self-esteem is a practice. It’s built through small, daily choices—choosing to challenge negative self-talk, choosing to speak up, choosing to show up for yourself even when you don’t feel confident yet.
I still struggle.
There are still moments when I hesitate to share my thoughts.
But now, I catch myself. I remind myself that I deserve to be heard.
And I act, even if it’s uncomfortable.
If you’ve been struggling with self-doubt, know this: You are not stuck.
You can build self-esteem, one small step at a time.
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